Advice #2: When love takes the blame.


I am (was maybe) in a relationship from 5 years, we loved each other a lot, the girl hurt me a lot every other day, not purposely but yeah she did because of something or the other and then sorry is all she could say.

I tried to make her realize a lot and because i loved her a lot i never broke up with her.. Thing’s started becoming hard as it was becoming very hard for me to live due to the pain.

She used to realize but then again forget and started doing the same mistakes, i tried my best to make her understand and what not.

Things continued the same, i stopped talking with her for 7 days as my mind was not stable and she was not understanding the pain i was suffering from.

Then i messaged her again and instead of talking nicely she is like you dint talk, why are you messaging now and etc etc… what am i supposed to do huh? i love her that is why i always have been with her.. people asked me to break up but i dint because I’m not that type of person who will let it go soo easily.

Then after 2-3 weeks she started behaving different and was like I’m a very complicated girl you leave me etc etc.. i said nope, whatever it is we will handle it together.

Then again she started hurting and i became very sad so we again took a break of 7-9 days and then when i messaged her now she doesn’t wanna be with me anymore, she wants to Break Up and she is done she is telling.

I have done everything for her, people know I’m not wrong at all… they know it’s her fault, yet I’m not able to handle it, i want to be with her but she is like now no more, it’s over and stuff.

She hurted me 1000 times yet i gave her another chance, now when i asked her 1 small chance she is like NO.

I can tell you, it’s not my fault, but then I’m a good person that is why i never left her and i don’t want to break my 5 years relationship.

What to do tell me?




Dear Anonymous,

Second chances are given, not to make things right, but to make sure the person or we change the things about us that led to the issue.

I’m sorry about your loss. But the one thing I would like to clear before I move on is that, you cannot judge the intensity of someone’s love, or how they feel about you in terms of ‘time’. Time is just a variable. People who have been together for over 15 years, wake up feeling empty and hollow, with absolutely no feelings for their partners. It’s scary, but it’s true.

Coming back to the problem in hand. There must be things about you, that probably irks her, and there must be things about her that irks you. You on one hand, seem to have ignored her imperfections, while she just couldn’t make peace with yours.

A relationship, requires immense understanding and commitment from both parties in order to become a success. You should start questioning yourself, if the pain is even worth fighting so much for. Pain and pleasure go hand in hand, they’re almost like the two sides of the same coin, where there is love, there is a little pain involved as well. That’s the risk we take when we fall for somebody. But the extent to which you’re willing to accept and absorb the pain, is your call.

I don’t suggest you going through immense pain just for nothing. If the woman, truly loved you she’d have bulged at least a little at the sight of you in so much pain.

You have the option, to refuse to be hurt by her. There’s a quote that I personally follow through in my life- ‘You should always avoid being burnt by the same flame twice.’ Giving her chances, over and over again, consciously knowing she is going to hurt you, is equivalent to you putting your hand on a burner knowing it will burn.

The main problem about you is that you unconsciously or consciously have revalued your relationship, based on a period of time. The duration of your relationship, does not define how a person feels about you. People change for a lot of reasons, and perhaps in her defense she may have had prioritized her life differently and chose not to have you in it.

While it hurts, to see the woman you love give up on you, even after you’ve sacrificed so much for her. The first step is to accept that there’s not much you can do about it. What’s gone, is gone. You should be thankful, you are away from further damage.

If a relationship consists of one person constantly compromising for the happiness of the other, and the other constantly hurting the former, the relationship takes a toxic turn-it becomes poison.

I assume you’re still quite young, and I understand and feel for you too. But the relationship is not worth fighting for anymore. Better things are made for you, and the sooner you understand that, the better it is for you. Someone, somewhere is made for you.

Until then,

Love and Care,

The Brown Girl

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